reaching as i

i'm sorry i say these things, i'm sorry i said i'm sorry as the last thing i ever said. to you. and i'm sorry we won't ever go back, because no, no matter how many movies they make you can't actually change the past. and i'm sorry that i have no interest for whats to come, that i'd rather sit here and look at the ceiling than walk into a room full of strangers. i'm sorry but i'm so tired of new people in my life, maybe that makes me absent minded and selfish, maybe that just makes me who i am. i'm sorry i am who i am. i'm sorry i said i liked the book you gave me when i'm reading it for the laughs, i'm sorry i just can't stand people talking about art, about lightning and meaning and suffering and how beautiful the spanish language really is. i'm sorry i said it first because i don't mean it anymore, but you said it back, i'm not sorry for that. i want to lose you to something better, i'm sorry but i never want to see you walking these halls again. i'm sorry because i'm sure i'll leave first and i'd rather not. if i can't take you with me i'd rather stay here, in this house, this room. and keep on quietly apologizing to you.